Chapter 5

5.

As soon as the anthem ends I don’t even have time to think of what will happen next before something does. A group of Peacekeepers rush forward and literally push me forward towards the Justice Building. I think to myself if any past tributes have tried to run and that’s why they were so determined on keeping close watch on me. Even if I did decide to run, they wouldn’t be able to catch me, but running was the last thing on my mind. I couldn’t run because then they would go after my family.

I’m guided through the intricately decorated hallways to a small room at the far end. There are a few plush chairs that line the walls and I am instructed to sit and wait. Wait for what? I’m not exactly sure, but I know that if I don’t something bad will happen. I force my feet to move my upper body towards the couch and it’s all I can do not to collapse on the furniture piece.

I look around the room and try to take it all in. This was definitely by far the most fanciful place I’ve ever seen. There was a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling and the wallpaper was painted to make the room seem as if it were made of pure gold. I dig my fingers into the crevices of the chair I sit in, taking in the feel of the strange material. Velvet I think it’s called. I’m not sure. My family was never prosperous enough to afford such luxuries.

Then I realize what this room is for. This is what they call the ‘goodbye room.’ My family will be ushered in here soon to wish me their final goodbyes. Their final goodbyes. This may be the last time I see my family and I begin to prepare myself for the worst. I know my mother will cry, and I am praying that my father won’t be crying anymore.

And then there’s my brothers and sisters; Lazula, who is so young that if I do die in the Hunger Games, ten years from now when she’s my age she won’t even remember she had a sister named Rue and the twins who are old enough to remember me, but not old enough to understand what happened.

And then there’s Lamium, who works with me at the orchard every day who sneaks berries with me so we can bring them back home. And then there’s Amaryllis. That will probably be the worst for me in all honesty. She already has had the life sucked away from her and a blow like this is probably just ripping the heart out of her lifeless body.

I begin to cry silently to myself as I struggle to find the words to say to them once they arrive. I find nothing but despair and I finally lose myself in the moment. I manage to compose myself just as my mother arrives.

She carries baby Lazula in her arms and the twins follow closely behind her. The twins race forward towards me like it’s a competition to see who can jump on my lap first. Pyrus sticks her tongue out at Prunus as she beats him to my lap. My mother slightly nudges her off of my lap and places Lazula into my arms.

Lazula snores lightly in my arms as all children her age do when they are asleep. I gently force my finger into her fist and she responds by lightly grabbing it. I hold her so close my chest I can feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathes. My mother gently wraps her arms around me and I fall into her.

She runs her fingers through my hair and hums a light tune as she rocks me back and forth. I can feel the tears drop from her cheeks onto my scalp and I clench my eyes tighter to prevent my own tears from coming out in front of her. The twins now have some idea of what’s going on for they stop their giggling. They both sit by my feet and lean their heads against my legs.

Be strong, my mom gently whispers. I love you, she whispers. She says everything she possibly can besides ‘its ok’ because she knows it’s not. She knows this may be the last time she may ever see me and she doesn’t want to make me even more upset.

“Take care of them ok, mom?” I finally say when the silence is so uncomfortable I can’t bear it.

“Of course,” my mom responds without second thought. “Of course I will.”

“Where are you going, Rue?” Pyrus asks. She looks up at me with her amber eyes. Innocence and purity shine through in them. She doesn’t yet know the tortures of the Capitol. That’s good. I hope she never will.

“What’s wrong?” Prunus asks seeing mom getting upset. He tugs on the hem of her dress repeating his question until she lightly brushes his hand away telling him that she will explain to him in the morning.

I hand Lazula back to my mother and I hug her, pulling her so tight as if I were trying to meld my body into hers. I suddenly find myself hard of breathing and I shake as I attempt to breathe the air I desperately need.

“I know…I know…” is all my mother can say.

She must know I can’t win. I know she hopes and believes with all her heart that I will be able to win, but she must know that with twenty-three other tributes the odds of me coming out alive are almost slim to none. Kids form wealthier districts, who have been training their whole lives for this are looking forward to the honor of representing their district.

Boys who are two to three times my size. Who knows? Some may be bigger than Thresh. Girls who are cunning and smart enough to kill me in ten different ways using nothing but a rock and a branch. And of course, I’m sure there’s going to be a few other people who are just like me. The people who know nothing about killing others for my own safety. The people that the Careers will be picking off one by one until they have to kill each other off. I know I’ll be seen as a weakling, but I’m determined to prove them wrong. I want to be a force in this game.

I don’t want this to be the last of my mother’s hugs. I don’t want this to be the last time I hold my baby sister. I don’t want this to be the last time my siblings have a race to jump up on my lap. I do not want this time to be the last time. But for now, I have to treat it as such and sure enough as soon as I think about this the Peacekeepers rush in and usher my mother out with the baby and the twins.

I didn’t even get the chance to say I  love you or goodbye for that matter.

I wait only a few more minutes before my father and Lamium walk in supporting Amaryllis with one arm each. I immediately stand up to my feet and assist them in helping her to a chair. She collapses onto the nearby chair and tries to force a smile. I attempt my best for her as well. Suddenly she bursts into tears.

In the nine years of her life I never heard her cry like she was now. She didn’t cry this hard when the doctor told her she was dying. If I wasn’t sitting her watching her myself, I wouldn’t have believed that she could have mustered up enough energy to sob as hard as she did. She gasped for air as she forced the words out of her mouth.

“Please!” she cried. “Don’t…die…Rue…please…don’t…die!”

She reaches out for me with all the energy she has. I can see her arms shaking like leaves clutching to the branch of a tree as the wind pulls them off. I fall into her arms and listen as she sobs loudly into my shoulder. She says words but they’re so clouded by her sobs they’re hard to make out.

I knew this would be hard for her. And I was right about one other thing. Saying goodbye to her was definitely the hardest, and I still had two left to go.

I stayed in Amaryllis’ grasp until her sobs silenced. Poor Amaryllis. She was so exhausted. I maneuvered myself out of her arms so and tenderly placed her back into the chair. I turn to face my brother and my father and Lamium has something in his hands.

Without saying a word he walks behind me and places something around my neck, a necklace.

“Hold your hair up I need to tie it,” he says to me. I grab the hair ties around my wrist and tie my hair into two separate clumps, making room for him to tie the necklace around my neck.

I then look what he placed around my neck. It was cold to the touch. The necklace was a bright green spotted with a brown earthy color. It was made of grass. Lamium had tied the grass in knots in a beautiful fashion to make a necklace. And attached to it was a wooden star.

It was extremely intricate. He must have carved it himself. It looked as if was burning; such wonderful detail. I look to him to thank him.

“Lamium,” I say. “It’s…beautiful.”

He shrugs his shoulders and looks away from me as if he can’t bear to look at me.

“I wasn’t finished with it,” he rambles. “I was going to make a bead necklace from the cones that dropped from the tree in our backyard, but since you got picked I figured I might as well give it to you now…I…I…”

I knew what he was trying to say. This might have been the last chance he had to give it to me. He races forward and kisses me on the cheek whispering he loves me and then dashes out of the room as the tears he was holding back finally broke through.

I look at the only person left to say goodbye to. My father.

He lovingly pulls me into a hug and traces the back of my neck with his finger. He doesn’t say anything just like my mom at first. All he does is just hold me and all I do is hold him back. I feel the pace of his breathing as he exhales onto the top of my head.

He releases me from his hug and kneels down to the ground. He was so tall though that even on his knees he still had to look down to look into mine. His eyes both looked like they were holding back dams. They scan over my face as they were looking for the words that were failing to escape his lips.

“Dad…” is all I can say.

“Rue Rue…” he immediately replies. He takes me by both of the shoulders and the sadness vanishes from his eyes; replaced with a look of pure determination. “You are a smart girl. Much smarter than any other girl or boy they can put in that arena.”

What was he doing? Was he actually giving me advice on how to win? Did he honestly think that I stood a chance? He must, because he keeps going.

“Get some kind of weapon. I know you don’t know how to really use them, but you need to be able to defend yourself. You’re quick Rue, you always have been. You’ll be the first one to the Cornucopia. You’ll have your first pick, but you have to be quick.”

My mouth falls open in shock. I never thought that I would have a conversation with my dad about killing kids my age, but I realize that I have to listen. He’s right. I need to be able to defend myself and any advice he can give me is probably more than anything I can think of on my own.

“Run straight for the woods. Don’t be stupid and try to fight over the supplies like half those other idiots. You’re smarter than that. You know your way around the woods. You can outlive anybody they put in there.”

Something suddenly comes over me and I begin nodding with him. Maybe I can win this. I know I can win this actually.

“Think of it as an adventure Rue Rue. You always were so enthusiastic about adventures when you were younger with your brother and sister.”

A smile spreads across his face as the memory comes back to him.

“You, Lamium, and Amaryllis would make up the craziest stories and play them out in the backyard. You were the queens and king of a kingdom that you all would create.”

“I remember,” I add as I think about it. “We would play for hours when we got back from school until you got home from the orchards.”

“Yes,” my father laughs in the joy of me remembering. “Do you remember what role you would give me when I would come into the backyard?”

I close my eyes and try to remember. It’s been a few years since we imagined a world of our own in the backyard, escaping the cruelness of the world that surrounded us.

“Didn’t we make you a magician?” I guess.

“I would cast spells over you,” he says as he waves his arms over me. I can’t help but to laugh. And he smiles back at me.

This wasn’t a moment for smiling though and we both knew that. I look at Amaryllis sleeping in the chair. I think of what she would be saying about dad and me joking about our past.

“Think of that arena as your kingdom, Rue,” he says to me suddenly. “Think of it as an adventure. An adventure that you need to survive.”

I nod.

“I can do that.”

The Peacekeeper walks into the room signaling that our time is up and my dad pulls me into a hug so tight my back cracks.

“I love you, Rue,” he whispers.

“I love you too, dad,” I whisper back as I kiss him on the cheek.

The Peacekeeper clears his throat as a silent signal. Quickly finish your goodbyes, he’s saying. I’m not going to force you, but if you don’t hurry up someone else will.

It was probably that I was so young that he was being a little kind to me. No one liked the fact that twelve year olds had to fight to their death, not even the Peacekeepers.

Finally my father releases me and goes to pick up Amaryllis from her slumber. She slumps into his arms like a doll, with no life in her movements. She cried herself into exhaustion. I grab her hand as it falls from her side, thinking this may be the last time I may grab her hand.

I press it against my cheek. The coldness of her hand almost shocks me as it hits the warmth of my skin. I let go and almost immediately the Peacekeeper grabs my father and shoves him out the door almost dropping Amaryllis in the process.

I can’t help but to think to myself that it was the last time I would see them, but I couldn’t let myself think that way.

But a lot of things were happening to me that I didn’t want to happen, lately.

I can’t help but to think about the twenty-three other tributes that are saying goodbye to their families right now. Only one of us is going to be able to come back.

It’s going to be me.